Something Gone

Subtle sunshine,
Streams through my window,
Sitting on my billowing bed,
I cry.

Cry for me,
Myself,
And I,
For my almost wasted life,
Of hurt,
Pressure,
And broken love.

I think about,
All i have hurt,
All who i have left,
Loved,
And lost.

So much lose,
And not enough gain,
So much remorse,
So much pain.

A can't see the end,
Nothing can mend.
Only time can heal my broken
Spirit,
Broken soul.
I feel as though,
There is something gone.

Uplifted spirits

Talking is one thing,
Wanting is another.
I want to hate you,
But you make me feel happy.
I want to leave you,
But you keep me coming back.

We talk, yes,
We even have conversations,
But I am always finding myself wanting more.
I always walk away wishing i had said one more thing,
Then we could stay and talk the day away.

Just be by each other,
And no one else to interfere,
No one to decide our fate,
No one to tell us that the ending is near.
There's not a single soul,
I'd rather stand here with,
Not another person I'd rather be here with.

I wish i could have held on for a little longer,
And not let you go,
Not let what we had,
Slip
Through
My
Fingers...

No! not again!
It will be different this time!
I will change and do anything for you,
Just to be with you.
I want to make you see what I do,
But i know you will just turn away.

You never seem to get it right,
Even in your dreams.
You divert the situation,
By leaving and running away.
But does that, or will that ever help,
If I really do need you to stay?

It won't,
I already know,
Because you my friend,
Will always be on the go.

This is ME.

Many times i look in the mirror,
And see the fake me.
The person i try to be,
But I never succeed.

I look and wish and hope to be real,
Be the person i feel,
Should be seen by everyone,
The person that should make me feel,
Loved.

I try to look past the unknown figure,
To the person behind them,
The much stronger and beautiful one,
That is hidden from society,
The person no one wants to know.

This always fails,
And is always a waste,
Because the other person is afraid,
Of being unique.

But isn't that what life is?
Being yourself?
The person you want to be?
Being...happy?

I take it all in,
And peel back the layers,
Until the other girl,
Who loves to dance and twirl,
Have fun,
And be with people,
Is seen.

The girl...

Is me

.Love and Lies.

Can I ever see why you hate me?
Could I ever stay in the place that makes me happy?
Can't I ever find what I am looking for?
I could, I should, I can't...
And I won't.

I wish I could find the real meaning,
Behind your words,
Behind your looks,
Behind your heart.

I want to know the real you,
I want to see under the shell you put out,
But all you do,
Is look, laugh,
And walk away.

Wishing, wanting, and waiting,
Suck.
Doing, talking, and loving,
Better.
Laughing, caring, and holding,
Love.

Look past the lies,
The tries,
The illusions,
Look for the real,
Honest to goodness,
TRUTH.

To the ones I love(:

Okay so I thought I needed to dedicate an entry to the people in my life who have not only taught me something about life, but taught me something about myself. To start off, my mom Sherry. she and I can talk about ANYTHING, and we get along really well. She has taught me everything I know aobut shopping, sewing, and every other aspect of my creative life. I love you mom :) My dad Chris. Yes we fight, but what father and daughter don't? He is a huge part of my life and he has made me the respectable person I am today :) He is one of the people I can turn to when I need help I love you daddy :) Mary Candace Armour. What can i say? She and I have been best friends since 3rd grade! She has taught me that it is okay to cry and be vulnerable at times and that it is okay to not be perfect all the time. She has also taught me how to have fun :) Sabrina Faye Gordon. Girl, we have been through soooo much, and it has only made us stronger in the end. I love you and I always will because you are the person who showed me that i don't need a guy to make me happy. I can just be myself and be by myself, and still be happy as a clam :) I can't believe that we have been friends for 5 years now! It feels like we are still in 4th grade cheering on the playground :) I will always remember as long as I live because you are the sister I never had, but would have loved to have as long as you were the exact same way you are now :) Shelby Leeann Wood. My cousin, sister, best friend, and the person I would die if I had to live without. You have taught me the most out of everyone in my life. You have brought out over the years the fun loving, caring, and kind side of me (when i want to be!). You have also been there for me when I didn't want to deal with it all anymore. You have always been a person I could turn to with all my problems, and the person I want to be around all the time :) Carlos Westbrook. You have taught me to not take things too seriously because life is supposed to be spontanious and fun! You have also showed me the fun side of things, and the brighter side of everything :) Brooklyn Sondegroth. You've only been here 5 months, and you have had a huge impact on my life :) You showed me that I can be silly, and serious all at the same time :) We cried together during Ticking (especially when Catherine died!), we have 2A together, 4A together, and we both think Mr. Logan is a creep! haha just kidding on the creep part :) Girl I love you :) Last but certainly not least, Mamma Pender. Even though you aren't here to read this today, I know you are looking down on me as i write :) I love you with all my heart and more. You taught me how to be a lady, and you made me the person i am today. I miss you a lot, and kick myself for not saying a proper goodbye before you passed. I hope you forgive me and I want you to know that i appreciate everything you did for me and everything you taught me. I can't wait for the day that we meet again. I love you Mamma :)

Okay that's all of it! I hope everyone mentioned reads this to know how much i care and love them all. Thank you all for everything you did for me and showed me. I truly love each and everyone of you with every morsel and atom of my being. And now you all know :)

The Other Side of Love

The crack of a whip is all you hear,
She cries to make you stay,
yet yells and screams and has a fit,
nothing you can say.

More and more she tightens the grip,
On your short little leash,
You go along with the charade,
Like and endless game of hide and seek.

She says 'i live you' and she cares,
But does she really mean it there?
Or does she just leave everything you lay out to bare.

Why can't you see the elephant in the room,
Or even the torture she puts you through?

But in the end of this tragic tale,
You walk away victorious,
Because you saw the ending fail.